Don't walk away
by I-ate-a-panadol
Summary: When Sebastian knocked the door, the day after they returned, with two coffees and a bag of bagel in hand looking sheepish and apologetic however, everything that he was so desperately trying to hold together fell apart. He had fallen in love with Sebastian.


Kurt couldn't believe it. He felt like he was seconds away from hyperventilating. Why now of all times?! He wasn't ready- mentally nor physically, to perform in front of the whole NYADA faculty. His voice wasn't warmed up, he hadn't a song prepared to sing and his emotions were still a wreck from the conversation he had with Sebastian over dinner. Worst still, Rachel, his best friend who was supposed to be there for him, helping him figure out what to do, mysteriously disappeared, leaving him to panic all on his own.

Luckily for him though, just when he was about to finally break down, Rachel popped out from behind of him. Her presence calmed his nerves; even if it was just by a bit.

"Rachel! Where the hell have you been?! I only have five minutes left before my doomsday! What do I do?! Why would she ask me to perform _now_ when she's just rejected me days ago?! I don't get it! What is she trying to do?!" Kurt yelled in desperate agitation.

"She's giving you a second chance! She just wants to see how you're going to perform under pressure," Rachel rambled, trying to reason with him.

"I'm going to fail! That's what's going to happen. I don't even have _anything_ ready; no props, no costumes, nothing!" Kurt cried.

"That's what she wants Kurt! You said it yourself; that's exactly what Carmen does _not_ want to see. She wants you Kurt. Not Kurt, the performer, hiding behind the fancy props and costumes. She want Kurt; Kurt Hummel. You have a repertoire of songs you can choose from. You _can_ do this," Rachel encouraged earnestly.

"I- I can't," Kurt replied.

Sighing, Rachel place her hands on Kurt's shoulders, urging him to look at her as she said, "You know Kurt, when you sang 'I want to hold your hand' in the choir room, that was when you were at your best. The amount of emotions that pierced through your voice- it sent chills down my spine. It was so...so simple, and so emotional. Do you remember that?"

"That was different. That was a song dedicated to my dad when he was in the hospital. Who am I supposed to dedicate what I'm about to sing to? To Carmen?" Kurt asked. He had a song in mind- a song that described exactly how he felt at the moment. Even though it was a song he sung before, he knew that it was only now that he truly knew the meaning of it; but he didn't want to sing it. Not when singing it was going to solidify his feeling and make him fall deeper, to the point of no return.

As if reading his mind, Rachel held his hand in hers and said, "Sing it to Sebastian."

* * *

"Hi I'm Kurt Hummel and I'm auditioning for the role of NYADA student. I'm about to perform a song that I've loved since I was six, but after tonight, I think I finally know what it means," Kurt said, nerve-wrecked before taking a deep breath, and singing.

_Share my life, take me for what I am_  
_'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you_  
_Take my love, I'll never ask for too much_  
_Just all that you are and everything that you do_

He knew when he started getting involved with Sebastian, shortly after he broke up with Blaine, that it was a purely sexual relationship; and it was something he wanted, _needed_, at the point in time.

But slowly, the two started becoming closer.

The time they spent together was no longer limited to after the sun had set. It started off when Sebastian dropped by his apartment one morning out of the blue, with two cups of coffee and a bag of bagels in hand. Never one to say no to breakfast and coffee, Kurt let him in despite Rachel's protests. After the two finished breakfast, Sebastian insisted to have Kurt buy him lunch, in return for his "special morning delivery services", which Kurt rolled his eyes to and replied that he hadn't even asked for it in the first place.

Later that day however, the two of them ended up in the restaurant down the street sitting opposite each other, bantering as they ate.

Before he could pay for the bill however, Sebastian already handed the waiter his card. With the excuse that he forgot, Sebastian simply told Kurt that he owed him another meal, and that the next time they went out, Kurt would be the one to pay. Somehow, they ended up going out together for meals more and more and the time they spent outside the bedroom increased exponentially.

Despite the countless times they ate together however, never once did Kurt pay. Sebastian always had the bill settled before he could utter a word, telling him that the next meal would be Kurt's treat.

_I don't really need to look very much further_  
_I don't want to have to go where you don't follow_  
_I won't hold it back again, this passion inside_  
_I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide_

Despite his busy schedule at work, Kurt decided to take time off to fly back to Lima to watch New Direction's production of Grease.

He had to cancel his not-date with Sebastian to catch Wicked, a treat from Sebastian to celebrate his promotion from an intern to a part-time worker in Vogue. He thought that Sebastian wouldn't mind but still felt bad having to cancel on him, just one day after they agreed to go. However, he was sorely mistaken. When he told Sebastian of his planned trip back to Lima that day as they laid in Sebastian's bed after a round of mind-blowing sex, the older boy snapped at him and told him to get the fuck out.

He grabbed his clothes and left, fuming.

_Don't make me close one more door_  
_I don't wanna hurt anymore_  
_Stay in my arms if you dare_  
_Or must I imagine you there_  
_Don't walk away from me_  
_I have nothing, nothing, nothing_  
_If I don't have you, you, you, you, you_

As he sang, he recalled the past he shared with Sebastian, pouring out all his suppressed feelings for the other boy. He could feel tears stinging his eyes but held onto them, willing them to stay; to stay the way Sebastian didn't.

But when his eyes swept the room, landing on one person- the one person that shouldn't have been there, the one person that he was singing to, his tears liberated, flowing freely down his rosy cheeks.

_You see through, right to the heart of me_  
_You break down my walls with the strength of your love_  
_I never knew love like I've known it with you_  
_Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to_

After the trip back to Lima, Kurt realized one thing- he was no longer in love with Blaine.

Seeing Blaine again after the break-up, made him realize how '_much'_ he had been thinking of the younger boy.

After the first week of the break-up, Blaine hardly surfaced on Kurt's mind. Caught up with work half the time, Kurt hardly had any time to miss the younger boy. Whatever free time he had was spent with Sebastian, and even during that time, even when the two sat in cafés, chatting and laughing away like Kurt used to do with Blaine, or snark-ing and teasing each other liked they used to back in their senior year, Blaine never came into Kurt's mind.

When he spoke with his father or Mercedes, Santana, Quinn or any other of his friends from high school, Blaine was hardly ever the topic of conversation. The only people he ever spoke of were Rachel, his colleagues and...Sebastian.

He realized, after speaking to Blaine, that everything was falling apart. Perhaps everything had already fallen and he was in denial, trying to hold everything together, but he decided to just ignore everything.

When Sebastian knocked the door, the day after they returned, with two coffees and a bag of bagel in hand looking sheepish and apologetic however, everything that he was so desperately trying to hold together fell apart.

He had fallen in love with Sebastian.

_I don't really need to look very much further_  
_I don't want to have to go where you don't follow_  
_I won't hold it back again, this passion inside_  
_I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide_  
_Your love I'll remember forever_

Initially, he thought that his feelings would never be returned and had them buried, deep in the alcoves of his heart.

But soon he realized that he wasn't the only one that had fallen.

Sebastian no longer spent time in clubs or bars, picking up random guys for one-night-stands; not ever since they started sleeping together. The definite fondness in Sebastian's eyes whenever he insulted. The amount of tenderness present on certain nights when they fucked. The way fucking became love-making.

It all spelt out things Sebastian would never say aloud.

Sebastian Smythe was in love with Kurt Hummel.

_Oh, don't make me close one more door_  
_I don't wanna hurt anymore_  
_Stay in my arms if you dare_  
_Or must I imagine you there_  
_Don't walk away from me_  
_I have nothing, nothing, nothing_

Tired of having avoided the topic for months, Kurt finally gathered up his courage and decided to breach the subject of the ambiguity of their relationship.

The two of them were eating in a fancy restaurant near NYADA, Sebastian's treat (to cheer Kurt up, he said), having dinner before making their way to watch the Winter Showcase.

Dinner was unusually quiet; something that didn't skip pass Sebastian's notice.

Kurt was nervous, afraid of how Sebastian might react to the topic. Sebastian's parents had a disastrous marriage- parents having divorced even before he was born. His father was unable to settle down in a monogamous relationship, despite having tried to with his mother. The two loved each other dearly, but despite it all, their marriage couldn't last for more that a year.

Sebastian's father was his mother's first love; and her only love. The divorce wrecked her into pieces, but she couldn't stand thinking of her husband having slept with another woman while she was pregnant. It destroyed Sebastian's view on love. Love became pointless to the older boy, meaningless.

Kurt knew the risk involved in breaching this topic. If Sebastian decided to walk away, he would lose everything. He would lose the warmth of Sebastian's embrace. He would lose the infuriating smirk Sebastian always shot his way.

Most importantly, he would lose Sebastian.

But he was unable to remain in the limbo he was in with Sebastian now.

And so, when Sebastian stopped him in the park as they walked to NYADA, asking Kurt what was wrong, Kurt decided to bite his lip and take the plunge.

_Don't make me close one more door_  
_I don't wanna hurt anymore_  
_Stay in my arms if you dare_  
_Or must I imagine you there_  
_Don't walk away from me, no_  
_Don't walk away from me_

"What are we?" Kurt asked timidly, voice so soft Sebastian could hardly hear him.

Sebastian knew what was going to happen. He had dreaded the day this conversation would inevitably pop out and it was something he wanted to avoid at all cost.

Trying to mask his panic, Sebastian joked, "Humans. Well, maybe you're some form of outer life; after all there's no way anything on this earth could fit into those pants of yours."

"Sebastian."

Kurt used Sebastian's full name, something he never did unless he was dead serious. The younger boy always called him "'Bas" or "'Bastian", despite him having told Kurt not to. Since young, he's hated those nicknames but for some reason, whenever Kurt called him "Bas", a warm fuzzy feeling would fill his chest.

"Why do we have to have this conversation," he snapped, tone harsher than he'd intended for it to be.

"Because I love you."

_And because I know you love me_, were the words left unsaid.

Unable to take in the sorrow he knew were in Kurt's eyes, he turned and walked away.

_Don't you dare walk away from me_  
_I have nothing, nothing, nothing_  
_If I don't have you, you_  
_If I don't have you, oh you_

As Kurt sang the last verse, he looked straight at Sebastian, eyes piercing through the older boy's soul.

_Please, stop running away from our love_, his eyes sung.

Kurt wiped away his tears at the end of the song as the crowd stood in applause.

He scanned the crowd, in search for Sebastian, but the boy was no longer anywhere to be seen.

* * *

Despite the congratulations he received from the crowds, all Kurt wanted to do was to leave and go home, curl up in his couch and cry while eating cake. He held in his tears, trying to plaster his hurt with the joy of being accepted into NYADA, but it simply wasn't enough.

NYADA, despite being what he thought was his dream, couldn't console and compensate the loss of the one he loved.

After making his way through the congratulating crowd to the exit of the theatre, Kurt came face to face with a what he least expected.

At the exit was Sebastian, appearance slightly dishevelled, with a bouquet of roses in hand.

"I know I fucked up, and I can't promise that this will be the last time that I will. I know that I'm stubborn, hot-tempered and most likely the worst person anyone should be in a relationship with, but will you, Mr. Kurt Hummel, be my boyfriend?" he asked as he looked into Kurt's glasz orbs with a sort of nervous hope.

"Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes you stupid meerkat, I love you so fucking much," Kurt cried as he threw his arms around Sebastian in joy.

"I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Inspired by I have nothing (Kurt sang it before)**


End file.
